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Archive for April, 2007

SEX 101 - 10 Things You Should Know

Monday, April 30th, 2007

Sex, people say, is the best thing that happened to mankind. Whether it is good sex or bad sex, it is better than no sex. Here are 10 things you should know about sex.

1. How about a quickie?
Who says that a lovemaking session can go on for an hour or more? The typical lovemaking session lasts around 15 minutes. And around 70% of that is foreplay.

2. Like they do it on AnimalPlanet.
Humans aren’t the only species that have sex for fun. Dolphins and the bonobo, (a type of chimpanzee), do it too.

3. Do they make a pill for that?
Erectile dysfunction has become a household phrase thanks to Viagra however it only affects 10-12% of the population while premature ejaculation affects 24-27%! They should make a pill for that!

4. Turn up the heat.
Having sex in a hot room may make orgasms more intense! The Degree of vasocongestion aka “sex flush”, (reddening or darkening of the skin), is an indication of how intense an orgasm may be is more common in warmer temperatures.

5. It’s no accident.
Trying to have a baby? If a woman experiences an orgasm, she is more likely to get pregnant, (since the spasms in her pelvic muscles help move sperm up to the uterus). So guys if you don’t want your girlfriend getting pregnant…make sure she never has an orgasm. However that may also result in you never getting sex again.

6. A gay ol’time at the zoo.
Homosexuality is not unique to humans. Birds do it. So do beetles, sheep, bats, orangutans, and dolphins. I guess that would make the dolphin the only other species that has homosexual sex for fun.

7. What do you have planned today?
1 in 17 people will have sex today…that’s a total of 400,000,000 people around the world. I know I should have bought shares in Trojan Condoms while their Magnum was still mini.

8. Ahh…sweet releif!
Leave aspirin on the night stand next time you have a headache and have sex instead. Sexual intercourse releases endorphins into your bloodstream giving us pleasure and pain relief.

9. Your grandparents probably still have sex…
Not a pleasant thought…but it’s true! 73% of males are still potent at age 70 and 30% of women at age 80+ still have sex. More men than women? Is that why you see ex-stripper, Playboy playmate, diet pill spokes model women married to oil tycoons?

10. Mr. Big
70% of women would rather eat chocolate than have sex. And is it any wonder? Maybe it’s because you won’t get arrested if you have chocolate in public.

Professor in Africa

Saturday, April 28th, 2007

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe’s chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, “Look here! You’re the only white man we’ve ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out what happened!”

The professor replied, “No, Chief. You’re mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion.”

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, “Tell you what. You don’t say anything more about that sheep and I won’t say anything more about that white child.”

Stranded - YouTube Comedy of the Year 2006

Friday, April 27th, 2007

This short was rated YouTube’s 2006 Best Comedy Award Winner. Check it out:

I think writing a diary would be the last thing on my mind if I ended up on a deserted island however Tom Hanks did it in Cast Away (2000) so you never know. You may also remember watching the movie Alive back from 1993, where a plane crashed in the Andes mountains and the passengers ate each other to stay ‘alive’. Is this purely hollywood sensationalism that is made for movies only? Noooo!

Without getting into to many details:
-there have been documented cases of ritual cannibalism and cannibalism due to extreme famine
-new research points to the fact that our early ancestors were cannibals; scientists suggest that today some people still carry a gene that evolved as protection against brain diseases that can be spread by consuming human flesh
-and if you wiki the topic, you’ll get more information on the topic than you ever wanted

For those of you who were considering starting a moral debate over cannibalism at work….don’t! You may find your boss sending you for a psychiatric evaluation before you can say ‘dingo ate my baby’!

Jessica Lynch Sets the Record Straight

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

Jessica Lynch, the most publicized prisoner of war from Iraq, recently gave her version of capture in Iraq. And surprise, surprise, Jessica Lynch’s version of the story is very different than what the US Government lead the general public to believe. The US Government seems to have played big role in hyping the event. Jessica Lynch has openly said that the reports about her were false and were blown to Rambo like proportions.

Jessica Lynch Receiving Medal

For example:

1. Though the Government has awarded her with a Purple Heart and other medals, Jessica says that she didn’t even get to fire her weapon ‘cos it was jammed.

2. As per Jessica, they were taken prisoner because their Humvee banged into another truck in front of them and not because “they were ambushed in war”

3. Though Jessica did sustain injuries, broken arm, six inch gash on her forehead, she had not been shot at as per the US Government reports.

4. Jessica was rescued by Special Operations team, but as per her story, the Iraqi nurses had tried to return her to the American soldiers much before the rescue, making her a truly ‘unique POW’.

You can’t help but wonder why the United States Government is intent on giving false information to American citizens. In fact, secrets and cover-ups deeply entrenched in US history – like the deaths of popular President, John F Kennedy, film star Marilyn Monroe just to name a two. Can the Jessica Lynch folly be a lie perpetrated by the Bush regime to muster support for a war not supported by the majority of the country?

Has the fat lady sung?

Wednesday, April 25th, 2007

If ‘The View’ was one of your favorite daytime chat shows, you’ll want to read this! Rosie O’Donnell announced today that she will be leaving the show by mid-June. Apparently ABC, (the network The View airs on), wanted Rosie O’Donnell to sign a three year contract however Rosie O’Donnell only wanted a one year contract. It doesn’t surprise me that ABC wanted the star to sign a three year contract because ratings sky rocketed after Rosie O’Donnell replaced Star Jones on the show.

Why did Rosie only want a one year contract? Isn’t three years better for her? Let’s face it…The View was probably on borrowed time if Rosie O’Donnell hadn’t come on board. She’s boosted ratings significantly and probably wasn’t getting a big enough raise for her contract renewal, (and didn’t want to lock it in for three years). If she were to only sign for one year…she could ask for another raise in a year.

Rosie O'Donnell on The View

Rosie O’Donnell has been involved in a number of controversies in and out of her show due to her loud and brash tongue. In her marathon to hurt people’s sensibilities, Rosie has had an on-going name calling feud with Donald Trump whom she called a “snake-oil salesman”. Trump has retaliated by calling Rosie, “fat”, “unattractive”, “slob”. In fact, at the recent Women in Communications awards luncheon, O’Donnell was particularly crass with her language and reportedly touched her crotch and told Donald Trump to ‘eat her’. The Donald was overjoyed hearing that Rosie was leaving the show and said, “Rosie O Donnell is a loser and will continue to be one. She was fired from the show and I think I had a part in it”.

Why are Rosie O’Donnell and Donald Trump’s feuding? PUBLICITY! You’ve probably heard of the old adage about ‘any publicity is good publicity’ and that is what I think this whole hoo-ha is all about. It may have started as a difference of opinion but blown up to mammoth proportions to boost ratings for The View and Trump’s show, ‘The Apprentice’.

By the way, if Trump really is a ’snake-oil salesman’…where can I sign up! I’d be one if it made me that much money!

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