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Archive for February, 2007

Hiding In The Closet

Sunday, February 25th, 2007

A guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
“What’s up?” he asks.

“I’m having a heart attack!” cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he is dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, “Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted’s hiding in your wardrobe and he’s got no clothes on!”

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor.

”You bastard,” says the husband. “My wife is having a heart attack and you’re running around with no clothes on scaring the kids!”

‘gASS’ Candle Lighter

Saturday, February 24th, 2007

Muah-ha-ha! This gives a whole new meaning to ‘light a candle will ya!!’.

I Ain’t ‘Fraid Of No Ghost

Saturday, February 24th, 2007

A very sick man is in the hospital, and on many drugs which give him bowel problems. After many false alarms, he accidentally craps himself.
Very embarrassed, he balls up the sheets and throws them out the window, where a drunk is staggering on the way home. The drunk starts flailing at the sheets, throwing his arms around wildly. A security officer runs over, hearing the commotion.

“What’s going on here?”

“I don’t know, officer. But I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost.”

Three Nuns

Friday, February 23rd, 2007

Three nuns die, but they all have to answer one question to get into heaven. The first nun is asked who the first man on earth was. She replies, ”Oh that’s easy, Adam!” Lights flash and the pearly gates open.

The second nun is asked ”Who was the first woman on earth?” she says, ”That’s easy, Eve!” Lights flash and the gates open.

The Third nun is asked, ”What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?” The nun is puzzled and can’t figure it out, so she says, ”That’s a hard one.” Lights flash up and the pearly gates open.

How to Shower: Women vs. Men

Wednesday, February 21st, 2007

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