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Archive for the 'Rants & Raves' Category

Think yourself thin??

Wednesday, August 1st, 2007

The English Language

Tuesday, May 29th, 2007

Let’s face it - English is a crazy language:

1. In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
2. Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
3. Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?
4. Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?
5. In what other language do thay call the third hand on the clock the second hand?
6. Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?
7. Why - in our crazy language - can your nose run and your feet smell?

Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should becommitted to an asylum for the verbally insane:

1. If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?
2. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?
3. A writer is someone who writes and a stinger is something that stings. But fingers don’t fing and grocers don’t groce.
4. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth?
5. If the teacher taught, why isn’t it also true that the preacher praught?
6. If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why are shameless and shameful behavior the same?

English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can’t turn a light in; in which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down. In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible?; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?

I want to work for Google…

Monday, May 28th, 2007

I want to work for Google. Why you ask? Seems to mee that working for Google pays you in more than just money. Google is a $150 billion company, (that is NINE zeros), and was setup by two Stanford PhD students. Google became one of the biggest internet success stories in just four years. The VP of Google confesses ‘there are a lot of geeks in Google and it is a wonderful place for geeks to interact with each other’.

Still not convinced? Read the ‘Geek benefits’ below then watch the video clip from the Oprah Winfrey show:
1. 11 different cuisine cafeterias serving gourmet food
2. state of the art gymnasium
3. lap pool
4. facilities for various other games
5. foreign language classes
6. massage parlor
7. hair salon
8. taking your dog to work
9. laundry & dry cleaning facilities
10. concierge service
11. doctor check-up
12. day care
13. dental clean-up
14. competitive salaries
15. company stock purchase options

Definitely sounds like they are giving out their resume for perks they offer to candidates. Google receives an amazing number of 1300 resumes each day. As a service provider, Google believes in instant gratification, (kinda like your date putting out on the first date).

It ain’t over ‘til it’s over and even then it ain’t over!

Thursday, May 24th, 2007

Right from the time of Presidential assassinations to 9/11 and now to the firing of 8 US attorneys, an affinity for official secrecy has now become a defining characteristic of the Bush administration. In this video, Jon Stewart exposes the US Senate’s weakness, when the President’s Attorney general answers many questions with an eloquent phrase of “I don’t know”. Here are a few excerpts of the White House’s unanswered questions:

9/11 investigations –
Al Qosi, a Sudanese accountant apprehended on suspicions of ties to Al Qaeda, claimed that U.S. military inquisitors had subjected him and others to bizarre forms of humiliation and abuse at Guantanamo Bay. The answer given by a Senate representative was that they could not talk about the matter in question because it was going be investigated.

CIA Leak -
In 2003, the Bush administration was in hot water again over Valerie Plame, a former CIA officer who held non-official cover (NOC) status before her classified covert CIA identity was exposed in a syndicated American newspaper column. Response by the Senate was that they could talk about it because the investigation had just gotten over.

‘Scooter’ Libby -
Former vice presidential chief of staff I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby, was convicted on federal charges of lying and obstructing an investigation into the Iraq war. At a press conference, the White House spokesperson said that they could not comment on an ‘ongoing investigation’ after Scooter Libby had already been convicted.

Firing of 8 US Attorneys –
Most recently, Mr. Alberto Gonzales could not release the documents on the investigation because he was currently in the ‘midst of an ongoing investigation.’

So the whole point being that the White House cannot talk about any ‘investigations’ before, in the midst of, or after they are over. This trend has been ‘ongoing’ since times immemorial. No matter who you question in the Senate, their answer is that they cannot comment as they are not permitted to do so. So who is this mysterious phantom who can shut even the President’s mouth? Isn’t the President the leader of the country? Is the Freedom to Information Act a farce? Are the people of America being led to the merry tunes of the White House?

That was the end of my rant…Jon Stewart took a more light hearted approach to the topic. Check out the video and makeup your own mind. Is it over?


My Convenient Truth About Alcohol and Drinking…

Friday, May 11th, 2007

Everyone has their perceptions about alcohol and my use of it…significant others, family, and friends all claim that I’m doing my self more harm than good with every glass I empty. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not one to get stone drunk, I just enjoy partaking in the elixir every now and again. White wine, red wine, vodka, whiskey, rye, or rum…I’m an equal opportunity drinker and I’ll take one of each. It was difficult to convey my reasoning to anybody to justify my drinking until I came across some interesting facts. Read on my friends…

Water vs. Alcohol -
It has been scientifically proven that if we drink one litre of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than one kilo of Escherichia Coli Bacteria found in water that contains faeces. In other words, we are consuming one kilo of sh!t. However, we do not run that risk when drinking rum, gin, whiskey, beer, wine or other liquors because alcohol has to go through a distillation process of boiling, filtering and fermentation. It is my duty to communicate to all of you people who are drinking water, to stop doing so. It has been scientifically proven that it is unhealthy and bad for you. THEREFORE - It is better to drink alcohol and talk sh!t than to drink water and be full of it!

So next time you are at a bar and have been chosen the designated driver, order a pint of beer and all a taxi cab! Just don’t over do it or else you might end up like this guy:

drunk skinny guy in diaper kissing large woman after he's had too much to drink

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